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The Knowing

(Editor's note: I asked the author for permission to publish the description of her experiences on line thinking it would benefit others. The author wishes to remain anonymous.)

It's happened again. The news media has brought me 'the knowing' feeling. I'd never heard of Brother Roger of Taize until I read a small snippet last week describing his murder, in church, by a 'deranged' woman from a remote village I'd never heard of. Since that small article, I've had it constantly in my mind, with 'the knowing' that there is an occult or satanic connection. I've searched the web for any indication that this is being discussed elsewhere, but there is cybersilence on the topic, just the mainstream media releases. Time will tell. Do other readers have any similar feelings about this event?

This has happened to me before. At 9am on Sept. 11, 2001 I heard the first reports about the Twin Towers, and immediately knew three things - it was intentional, the name Osama bin Laden, and that the pilot was American trained. The second tower hadn't yet been hit, and though I didn't foresee it, I was not surprised, just reinforced in my 'knowing'.

Back in the 70's I heard the late evening news report of a planned airlift of orphans out of Viet Nam. I immediately had a mental image of the smoldering, crashed plane, and chastised myself for such an evil thought. On awakening the next morning, my radio blared the tragic news. I felt awful.

Other times 'the knowing' comes in a dream, the smell of lilies around me preceding a death, or just a feeling. A few times I've 'witnessed' violent crimes, without ever finding out the who, or the where, or if it is in fact a real event. It's odd, I don't seek it out, but it keeps happening.

It started in my teens - until then my mother had kept secret from me that her mother had been a spiritualist medium, and the 'supernatural' events that had occurred in the family for generations before her. We moved to New England - ancestral turf - when I was sixteen, and unexplained things happened as long as I lived there, for about thirty years. In my presence an Ouija board marker would move without being touched; I could do automatic writing; I 'knew' things about people I didn't know. I stopped engaging in such activities - I didn't want it invading my home and having that atmosphere around my children. My intentions were in vain.

The 'haunting' events I - and my sons- witnessed occurred in each of five places that I lived in New England, though they were different in each location. In our Cape Cod house as a teen I saw a figure dressed in an 'international orange' flight suit striding down the hall of my home before simply vanishing. Later I learned that a builder of the home, a member of the Air Force, had been killed in a plane crash before the home was completed.

In my college dorm in Vermont, there repeatedly appeared in one room, during the Lenten season, a misty figure, accompanied by a cold temperature and a 'rotting flowers' smell. That vision also felt 'heavy' and evil. Fortunately, I never again encountered such a feeling.

In another home I saw misty figures moving through the dark, heard rattling door knobs and doors opening and closing, followed by footsteps in the night, and even felt the bed sink like someone sitting down where the footsteps ended. Lights in the basement would not stay turned off. Many times the cat stared intently, following an unseen something descending the stairs. My younger son kept his bedroom lights on all night because of the old man that stared at him through his door at the bottom of the stairs. Through the window, my older son saw 'hooded monk' figures walking outside, toward the home. On separate occasions, in each of their rooms - during Lent - a religious object flew across the room to smash into the opposite wall, terrifying them. As teens, my sons relied upon the 'spooks' - they'd always hear the sounds of the door and footsteps minutes before we'd return home - giving them enough time to clean up the party and herd their guests out the front door as we came in the back!

My husband's grandfather had died in the home - in the room my younger son occupied (we never told him about that!) - but he was just an average guy. Part of the home had been built with wood from the old Catholic church a few houses away - a church that had recurring incidents of satanic-style vandalism. Odd things also happened in the homes that flanked ours, one of which was owned by a priest who used it only occasionally. He once inquired of us as to whether we'd seen anyone there in his absence, because the furniture had been rearranged!

During Lent, our house went nuts each year, with events escalating. One morning I found a bouquet of flowers out of their vase, standing stem-up in the center of the living room floor. I sought help from the Warrens, the noted 'ghost hunters'. After taking the steps recommended by the Warrens, life was uneventful - until we moved. Even before they moved in, the new owners were commenting to our mutual friends on odd noises and the basement lights being on all the time!

For more than a decade, living in other parts of the country, things have been completely quiet re: 'haunting' events, but the dreams and 'knowing' still occur. I awoke one morning last fall thinking of my older son and a house fire - he phoned an hour later to tell me they were OK, but their house was a total loss. (My younger son also had a forewarning the day before the fire). I recently dreamed of my step-father's death a month before it occurred. I do not read books or watch 'entertainment' involving the occult, because that seems to stimulate such occurrences in my life. My sons now have children - will this curse / blessing affect yet another generation? Time will tell.

Thanks for the opportunity to 'unload' all this - it's something I really can't discuss with any but my closest friends - who nearly always have similar tales of their own. We must attract one another!